Yesterday - Part IV - Things to prepare

... and so, the day was arriving. Now that all is ready for the wedding, it is time to think about all the little and important things that we need for the ceremony.

For me, the only thing I have to take care of was my dress, since I cannot be there to help Bing. She has been very busy in those days. She has to think about the dress, the restaurant, the Church, the car, the video and photos, the invitations and so on. Her days are full of duties and she had to run from a place to another one. Without letting you feel bored with this kind of duties, let us go back to 'me' again. Since the seminar is compulsory before the wedding and, because I cannot spend there one month, the only solution was to go in the Philippines only 14 days before the 28th May and come back in Italy the day after the wedding. Only to think about this was sad, unfortunately no other solutions; in the company where I work, it is rare to have a vacation aside from the month of August, and to think that I need more than two weeks! The month of May arrived; I really don't remember so much about the time between the moment Bing told me she had all documents and the consent from the Italian Embassy till when I left Italy to fly in the Philippines. I remember the difficulty to find a suit that was "light". I mean, in Italy April is a month not so much warm and I knew that I had to dress a suit for the temperature near 30°. At the end I was able to find something, even if not so much "light"! On May 12 I left Italy. As usual, the flight lasted near 24 hours, including time zone (in that month the time difference between Italy and Philippines is 7 hours). When I arrived in Manila, Bing obviously was there. It was nice to be together (again) and to meet knowing that finally we would tell to each other how much we love and to promise that we would continue to love for the rest of our lives. Only few days after, we went to Alcala. Here, I just had to follow her everywhere. For me was quite tiring. We moved a lot using "tricycles". These vehicles are composed of a motorbike and let me say a "sidecar". They use them as we use the car for taxi. In the little cabin beside the driver, there should be room for one or two (not so comfortable) people but often you can see 3 of them. At the back of the driver, when usually there is only a space for one person, there are two people. In this way, in a single "tricycle" you can have 5 passengers plus the driver! Due to the chaotic traffic, tricycles aren't so fast and, considering how many people "on board", also the engine cannot push this vehicle so rapidly. Bing knows how to "negotiate" these taxis and so, before hopping in, she always asks for the price and, sometimes she offers less than what the driver asks. During the 'negotiation', I had to stay far, because if they know I'm the other passenger, the driver would ask for a higher price! I remember she literally drove me to visit many of her friends and relatives. In Italy, when you go to visit someone, you can tell you are in rush. It is understandable and if you explain that you have to move from an house to another, usually they help you not to lose time and they aren't offended if you cannot spend there long time, drinking and eating something. In the Philippines, to be polite, you cannot do the same. I remember we used to visit 3, 4 or 5 different families in a day and, every time, we had to enter the house, to drink something and to eat also, otherwise they would feel offended. Obviously Bing needed to explain, every time something about our story and so, even if I cannot understand her native language, I'm sure she was repeating the same "story" to all of them. They rarely spoke to me, in English, and the questions were obviously almost the same: what do you do in Italy? in which part of Italy do you live? how did you meet? what will you do after wedding? etc. etc. With that, every visit was heavier than the previous and, at the end you discover you weren't hungry at all to have your supper. Anyway, visiting friends and relatives was only part of our trips. We went to choose the cake, the shirts for her uncle and the invitation cards. We went also to her University to invite her former colleagues (one of them was also my witness, even if we never met before!). And there was another thing we must do: the seminar. Owing to my presence there, during the seminar they spoke in English. Day by day, for about two hours, we were busy with the seminar. It wasn't a priest to lead it, he was a lay person. We went to his house to listen to the things he was teaching. I know here in Italy, during the seminar, you have a meeting with the doctor, one with the lawyer and usually, a priest gives the seminar. There wasn't in the same way, probably because the doctor is expensive and the lawyer isn't necessary to explain your rights concerning divorce: simply in the Philippines divorce isn't allowed yet, so you don't need to know laws about it!

Yesterday – Part III – Against all odds

We didn’t know yet, but many things would be happened in our lives for the following 5 months!

Once in Italy, obviously, I went to my Municipality and ask what I have to do to get married with a foreigner person, there in the Philippines.

They gave me the list of document but, the most important was to have the clearance from the Italian Embassy in manila for Bing.

A friend of mine was already married with a girl from Venezuela and he told me I had to have a lot of patience since isn’t so easy to have the needed documents.

It was really a fight, complicated also by the problem of the distance from Manila.

Every two steps ahead, we were sent back one step.

There were no documents correct at the first attempt. I remember once I went to Municipality of Legnano with the copy of the document she asked to her Municipality. You should know that, in the Philippines, divorce isn’t allowed. Then, the document she had, literally translated in Italian, was saying that she wasn’t married. Wasn’t enough because in the document had to be written she was “single” (in Italian “nubile”). I remember that time I was going out from the Municipality office with some tears in my eyes and I’m sure people realized this!

This is only one example of the troubles, but also the Italian Embassy created to Bing more than one problem. I remember once she told me that, even that time, the Embassy would refuse the document, she will give up everything. I knew what was meaning for her going to Manila and back: one day trip, without sleeping for two nights, in a cold bus. Then, at the Embassy, not Italian people have to wait long and also to be allowed to go to the Embassy isn’t so easy.

Every document presented to the Embassy had to be approved by two different Philippines Government Offices and translated in Italian.

During those weeks, we were in touch daily, through internet and telephone. Our mood was changing depending on the news about documents: when one document was ok, we were happy and sad when the document was refused. Sometime we had to set a “meeting” in a shop (for her) to receive a fax from me. Many times, but was also because I wanted to be in contact with her, I went in bed around 1 am and also later; the following morning, as soon as I arrived in office, we continued our chat.

Our families were happy (mine and my mother in particular very much) to know we decide to get married, even if many doubts started to come up.

I was thinking about the gap between our ages: she is younger than me for 17 years. I can say that I never felt this difference. Since we met, she always have been sure this isn’t a problem and for her isn’t important the age you are, but the age you feel.

I know, always we use to say this, but, believe me, in this case is true!

Other doubt was concerning the different “background”, the different habits; a little problem was also the religion. Both are Catholic and Christians but she is more involved than me.

Thank to Bing I was able to overtake these problem: she was so sure that these would be not a problem that she convinced me about it!

When finally we were able to have all documents ready, was time to look for a date.

There was another little problem: her job.

She was teaching in a University managed by nuns and, when her Din understood Bing was engaged with me, tried to convince her wasn’t a good choice to leave Philippines and going to Italy.

They told her many bad things about Italian people (and, unfortunately, some of them are true), they asked to her to finish her studies and to continue to teach there. I knew, some years later, they also offered to her to become nun too!

Bing was “hard” extremely self confident. When I asked her why she didn’t believe to them, she answered that she believed to her heart, to me and that she was praying every day for us!

We decided to get married in the Philippines, because to have a Visa for Bing to come in Italy, was too difficult.

Now we were near to reach our target. Owing to her University and our documents, the first month available was May: the day was 28, 4pm.

There was still another little duty: to attend the seminar before the wedding!

Yesterday - Part II - The first meeting

That day we went around Manila. Bing and Liza (her friend) took me to same shopping centres. They never left me alone even for a second! She was worried that, being foreigner, some people would kidnap me. We went in jewellery and, since was December 26, we decided to buy a couple of rings, engagement rings in gold with a diamond (the seller said). We asked to print, inside the ring, our meeting date: December 25, 2000.

We spent all the day and, at night Bing, this time, stayed with me. We were alone, for the first time, for all the night!

We slept also because the jet lag wasn’t completely absorbed by me.

I don’t remember exactly what we did the second day but I remember that we were together, during the day also with Liza, and in the night only the two of us.

We left Manila for going to visit Bing’s mother. Was a trip really long, not for the distance but for the hours that took: around 12 for running about 400 km. We travelled in a “long distance deluxe bus” and I noted the air conditioner was set to “max”: inside the bus was cold and, when the bus stopped, I went out. Outside around 30 C° degrees, inside I think near 20C°!

In the Philippines they never wear heavy cloths, but only when they have to travel on those buses! Who hadn’t anything warm to wear, was trying to close the holes from where the cold air was coming out.

I met her mother (her father died some years ago) and her siblings. Her youngest brother and her sister that had been working in Singapore weren’t already married. Roque, I met in Manila, and Virgin was married with children.

Her mother wasn’t able to speak English so Bing had to translate for us.

I was accepted in a very good way; I felt like if we have known for years.

Once again, Bing was taking care about me and many times she helped me since she knew I felt embarrassed.

I met also her relatives: one of her ants was a photographer and she took same pictures of us with my camera.

We weren’t able to sleep together, obviously.

We spent there only two days and then she brought me back to Manila.

Unfortunately, our time was running fast and soon I had to prepare to come back in Italy.

Once in Manila, after other 12 hours trip, we visit, always with Liza, a big park there, called Luneta.

We went also to another big mall where I bough some gift to take back home for my parents.

Since, during the trip to Manila, she lost her mobile phone, I remember we went also to a shop to buy a new one for her.

She was shame and she wasn’t able to choose anything. At the end I choose for her a Nokia.

To convince her I had to tell her I need she had a mobile phone, otherwise we wouldn’t be able to listen each other’s voice!

Only when I was back in Italy she explained to me why she was so shame: a mobile phone costs more or less the amount she earns in one month! For me at that time was around 400.000 Liras.

Just the day before the last, we celebrated our first New Year Eve. It wasn’t so happy, because we spent the hours before just packing all the things and filling my luggages.

I remember we weren’t in the right mood to have fun and we drunk only coca cola and orange juice (what we found in the hotel refrigerator). When was midnight, we kissed and we went out on the balcony to see some fireworks, far from us.

The atmosphere in Manila, during Christmas time, is different from that one I used to feel in Italy.

Here Christmas is only a rush time where all people is travelling from a shop to another, looking for something to buy that could be “strange”, “new”. Doesn’t matter if the day after Christmas the thing you receive will go at the bottom of a sac or a drawer, where you forget it for the rest of your life.

In the Philippines people hasn’t so much money to buy many gift. For them is still better to spend some hour with a person that lives far or abroad, is better to go to the Church (always full of people). In few words, we are living a “commercial” Christmas, they are living a “spiritual” one.

This is a big difference that, still now, Bing cannot forget.

My week there was near to end. During those days we learned some other little thing about us. We found also a “sound track” for our story: we had TV in our room and, in the morning, we used to watch it. There was a channel whose transmission was always karaoke. We tried also to sing the songs and, obviously, she was much better than me. Anyway, among all the songs, at that time, we liked “Against all odds”, not the original version by Phil Collins, but that one sung by Mariah Carrie.

Considering now the title and the original singer, it is strange to note that:

Against all odds was really what we would have to do until our wedding and that Phil is the “short” name for Philippines!

What we learned better was that we could think about a wedding.

It was strange, but we never asked each other “do you want to marry me?”. It wasn’t necessary.

We begun to think about marriage in September, when we had been in touch only through MSN.

We always said that, after the meeting, we would be able to decide. It was what we did.

We discovered we can live together, even if only for few days. We spent days and nights hugging ourselves and kissing ourselves also. We didn’t make love, that week. To be sincere, I though it could happen but, when I understood the kind of person I had in front of me, I realized that one night of sex doesn’t have the same meaning of a life with her. Bing deserved my respect to her, to her ideas, may be wrong, may be right. We were deciding to spend a life together: sure we would have many other chances to have sex!

January 1st was the worse day for me there. Only few hours separated me from the time I had to leave Manila.

We spent that time sadly. I had to stay at the airport about three hours before the departure time and, I learned people isn’t allowed to accompany friends and relatives inside the airport but they have to say hello to them outside.

I cried a lot: I was too sad to leave her. I don’t know what she though about me, but really I felt like I was loosing her and I was worried.

I entered in the airport and few seconds before I saw her and Liza going away with the taxi!

My first week with Bing was definitely ended. Now another challenge was waiting for us: prepare all documents for our wedding!

Yesterday – Part I - who knew that ANGEL!

I believe there are things you do, in your life, without knowing why.

I want to tell you something about me, starting from the beginning. I was born the last winter day, in 1960. It is strange that if you multiply the day (20) by the month (3), you have the year (60).

Anyway, was the year 2000, May. My last experience was ended few months before. I cannot say I was “hunting” but I was just looking around me.

That time, internet was an unknown world. I was able just to surf, send and receive e-mail. Since in Italy, to have an e-mail account you had to pay, I opened an account in “hotmail.com”. I really don’t remember why, may be just to try, I installed at home and also in office, MSN Messenger. I had no reason to do it, since I didn’t have any friend to who write or contact. Coming to my incipit, I don’t know why, but I did.

One day, in May, I was working (sometime it happens also to me!) and, that morning, I was in internet connection and my MSN was “open”. Suddenly a warning appeared on my screen. It was telling me that “Bing wants to chat with you”.

Obviously I didn’t know who Bing was. Male? Female? From Italy? From where?

Curiosity was too much and I accepted to chat with it.

Few sentences and the first thing I realized was “this person writes in English much better than me”.

Some words were strange and I wasn’t able to understand everything. In brief, we spent some hour chatting. I understood was a girl but I was sure the day after she never would contact me again.

The following day I was surprised when another time the same warning was telling me she wanted to chat with me!

I don’t remember the topics, but you can imagine about what you can talk to a person you don’t know and that doesn’t know anything about you. Obviously some questions were about “what are you doing”, “how old are you”, “where do you live”, “which school did you attended”, also the weather was a topic.

It was strange but, neither me nor her, never stopped to contact the other. One week passed in this way and, unfortunately, she had to go to Manila for a seminar. She gave me a date for one week later. I was sure I lost her!

After one week, she was there, again! I was happy.

We continued to chat, day by day. Owing to the different time zone, we realized we had only a little “window” where to meet. In the Philippines she is 7 hours ahead of me, so, when in the early afternoon in Italy was 1 pm, for her was time to go home. Since she was teaching in a University, often in her afternoon she had a lesson and so our time was, sometime, very little.

That time I was volunteer in “Croce Bianca” and some week end and also some night I was there, spending my time. Often, when I was there, I was in connection with Bing. I was waiting for midnight or around 1 am and then we met together.

Weeks and months passed. I also tried to phone to her; the first time, I remember, she was laughing all the time, probably for my very poor English.

Anyway, now we have different ways to contact each other. I bought different telephone cards, testing which are the best, considering the quality of the line, the cost and the time the card allow you to speak. I think I was an expert in this matter!

We arrived in September and the wish to meet us was big. We sent our pictures but we wanted to see “face to face”.

School in the Philippines have a different schedule from here. They don’t stop in July and August, so we weren’t able to set a meeting during my summer holydays. At Christmas time, she would have only one week vacation, and me, in the office, only 10 days.

Anyway, even if the time to spend together was short, we were too much excited at the idea to meet.

We fixed the date. My flight was on December 24. That day, at Malpensa airport, snowed heavily and my flight was one of the last able to leave the airport. Few minutes after they stopped flights!

My trip begun: first stop in Amsterdam. You can imagine that, since the temperature was cold, I was wearing heavy cloths.

In Amsterdam I met other Philippines people and I was surprised they were wearing T-shirts, light jackets. They looked to me “crazy”.

I left Amsterdam near midnight. I remember I wasn’t able to sleep, almost at all. During the flight I ate three or four times. After about 12 hours, we arrived to Malaysia. We stopped there for some hours. I took the chance to phone to Bing. She wasn’t able to believe to me (but she told me this only when I arrived). She though I was pulling her legs.

Four hours later, I arrived to Manila “Ninoy Aquino” airport.

Luckily no problem with Custom Duty and my baggage was quickly rescued. Now we HAVE to meet!

I didn’t know that, when you go out from the airport, you are in a different level from that one where people are allowed to wait for parents, friends, etc.

When I was out, the first thing I did was to call her over the phone. Obviously we were looking for each other but, since we were in two different levels, we weren’t able to meet immediately.

Only when she told me to “go down”, I understood.

I arrived “down” and I was looking for Bing. She recognized me! She went and stopped in front of me. It was the first time we met “face by face”.

I don’t know which her thoughts were. My first impression was she is nice and she is “small” (I’m not a giant too, but she is about 20 cm smaller than me!). With her there were her brother and a girl, her friend.

They brought me at the hotel. The trip from the airport to the hotel lasted about one hour. The first impression was the traffic, heavy, overall considering it was late (if I remember right, was near 9 pm local time); the temperature was warm (and I understood why in Amsterdam other Philippines people were wearing light cloths!). Bing and I were seated in the rear place, and her brother was at her right. I tried to bring her hand with mine but she didn’t want. I believed she was not so happy to meet me! Our conversation was really poor: only few sentences because I wasn’t able to understand everything they were asking to me. They were speaking English too much better than me!

When we arrived at the hotel, we went all together in my room.

The agreement between me and Bing was to sleep together but, after my first “supper” in the Philippines, I was too tired also considering the “jet lag” that I asked to go to sleep. I supposed Bing stayed there but she moved away, telling me “see you tomorrow”. I don’t remember many things about that night. The day after, anyway, was better. Since I didn’t sleep on the airplane, I was able not to suffer too much for the jet lag. When I woke up my first thought was: “what about she will not come? What I do in a city I don’t know, alone, for one week?” Except for the contact in internet, I had only her name but no address where to look for her!

But she came! And then another story was beginning!